Concluding for now

So I have decided that children of incarcerated parents are affected in more ways then we probably even realize.  The superficial scares this kind of traumatic event leaves on a child is unprecedented.  Even if a child could describe in words the kinds of things they go through mentally, emotionally, physically and psychologically, I do not feel we could truly understand what it is like to have to suffer like that.  Unless you have been through it yourself.  Even then, each experience is very different in many ways.

source:  Not being able to be with his mom every day is a pain that stays with... upworthy.com

I do not think that I am quit satisfied with what I have discovered and I have come to realize that I may never be.  I say this because this is am ever increasing issues and as our economy changes, I think then so will the affects be on these children.  Yes, many will stay the same such as feelings of detachment and abandonment issues. I feel like their may be some answers and solutions to some just in time for new problems presented from the children of the incarcerated to arise.  This may be my new viscous cycle;  Trying to find answers only to have more questions.

I will still wonder about how our communities are going to better fund and support such children in order for them to thrive?  I will still wounder if a child can completely heal from such traumatic events?  I will still wonder if when a child experiences such strong, frequent and prolonged adversities, can they themselves be successful at having a stable family environment as an adult?

For now I will sign off with these thoughts and questions lingering in my head.  Maybe through my own healing of my children and their trauma, I will find answers to my questions?

Source:  Cori Walter, 32(R) hugs her daughter Hannah Walters, 6, at...  blogs.re

Trials and Tribulations

In my next source by David Murphey and P. Mae Cooper.  Parents Behind Bars:  What Happens to Their Children?  October 2015.  Print.  I learned a lot about how many different circumstantial situations that these children of the incarcerated experience compared to children with non-incarcerated parents. On page six their is a chart showing just how much more traumatic events occur in these children s' lives before a parent is incarcerated.

  The numbers are very different and very shocking to see on paper.  Having said that, I just want to point out that in a school setting or even just in a setting with a lot of people, children of incarcerated parents tend to feel stigmatized.  Their self-worth is very little to none and they often feel ashamed of their situation.  This really hurts their ability to socialize or build any healthy relationships.

 So in my last post I shared a link that showed how PBS was starting to open the public eyes to this problem by creating episodes around the topic of incarceration.   I think this is very helpful to kids in that it helps them to not feel singled out or alone in handling such big challenges for themselves.  One big thing that my children struggle with even after being reunited with me and having a stable, consistent environment is feeling like they do not fit in.

 My son is doing very well in school and was able to gain some awesome social skills.  He still tends to feel different from the other kids and like people do not understand him.  I get the sense that at times he is starting to dis-regulate, it is when he is feeling like this the most.  This causes him to feel that rejection and abandonment all over again.  To others, it looks like he is being very sensitive or really emotional.  At times it looks like he is trying to be bossy by trying to control others.  Really it is his trauma being triggered through these feelings of rejection and abandonment that is causing him to act this way.  Unless the people around him are aware of his situation, then they treat it as such.  Kids who suffer high amounts of stress and trauma are not to be dealt with in the manner as children who have not.  If you do, then you will usually see an escalation in behaviors without understanding why.

This is why it is very important for the public to get on  board with what is really going on in order to properly and successfully support the children of the incarcerated.  I advocate for my children consistently so that I can see to it that they are getting the proper support they need in order for them to heal.  For example, My son just started Karate and in his classes, they teach a lot of self-discipline.  When you have a child like my son, then some forms of discipline can be very triggering for him.  So I make sure that the people that are consistently in his life know what his situation his by presenting them with what I call a Trauma-Focused Family Regulation Plan.  This basically talks about what are his triggers for dis-regulation and the things that the people around him can do to support him when he is in different levels.  Each child is unique in that they are going to respond differently to having such trauma in their lives.  Just like each child is effected in several different ways and in a number of ways to hardly any.

source:  MN Strengthening Families Affected by Incarceration Collaborative.  wilder.org

So what else can be done to get this information out?  How else can our schools, communities and even families help improve the quality of living for children of incarcerated parents?

Children suffer when their parents are incarcerated.

SOURCE:  magazine

Charts: Kids Are Paying the Price for America’s Prison Binge

Katie Rose Quandt Aug. 26, 2014 6:00 AM


      This article was very informative in several ways to me.  The one thing that I found most shocking was how having an incarcerated parent, children suffer higher rates of negative physical conditions such as obesity, speech and language problems, bone and joint or muscle problems, and even vision problems.  I am very aware of the fact that stress is bad for your body, but after reading this article, it has really brought to light just how damaging stress can be on ones body.

  In the article from Mother Jones, the charts that are provided comparing how mental health and physical effects differentiate from parental incarceration and no parental incarceration are rather shocking to say the least.  When a child's parent is incarcerated, the lack of control they must feel is probably very overwhelming.  Thus, contributing to a lot of behavioral issues that one might see from such a child.  When a child is separated from what they know to be their family dynamic, then they struggle to find their place and the role they play in their new environment.  I can very easily see how just this one issue can cause anxiety and/or depression in a child.  How sad and heartbreaking to know that at such a young age, a child must go through such things like feeling abandoned and misplaced.

 So what can we do as a community to help these children heal from this trauma and eventually find their place and know their role, in order for them to become stable and secure again?  What kinds of programs and resources are already out their for these children and what kinds of different ideas for newer and improved programs are floating around?

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 The thing that strikes me is that our communities seem to be overlooking this ever raising problem and therefore, the children who are suffering go unnoticed.  So what can be done to raise awareness to this taboo subject matter?  One example from the article in Mother Jones is the recent introduction to how to help kids express their feelings around having an incarcerated parent from Sesame Street .  In the video,  the character expresses his feelings around his Dad being in jail.  Then an adult is their to be supportive and explain to the other characters what incarceration means.  This kind of program that is opening up the communities eyes to the reality of how real this issue is for half the children population is very much needed in my opinion.  After watching the short two minute video, tell others what you think and how it makes you feel?

In a second source from the Children's Mental Health eReview, The authors agree on several viewpoints as far as how having an incarcerated parent impacts parents.  What I especially liked about this source is that they considered developmental needs of children at varies ages.  The point was made that a child's needs change over the years of development.  The example the article used on page six paragraph 2, was that if a child is separated during infancy this could ultimately cause a separation of their primary attachment figure.  The source speaks on ..." how separation of even just a couple years could have extreme consequences."

In my first source from Mother Jones,  the author speaks a lot about the negative and physical effects on children with incarcerated parents.  It is different from the Children's Mental Health eReview  in that this source does not really clarify the different kinds of consequences being at different points in their development bring, but rather the extreme differences on effects on children with incarcerated parents compared to children without incarcerated parents. Both of these sources were very informative.