The numbers are very different and very shocking to see on paper. Having said that, I just want to point out that in a school setting or even just in a setting with a lot of people, children of incarcerated parents tend to feel stigmatized. Their self-worth is very little to none and they often feel ashamed of their situation. This really hurts their ability to socialize or build any healthy relationships.So in my last post I shared a link that showed how PBS was starting to open the public eyes to this problem by creating episodes around the topic of incarceration. I think this is very helpful to kids in that it helps them to not feel singled out or alone in handling such big challenges for themselves. One big thing that my children struggle with even after being reunited with me and having a stable, consistent environment is feeling like they do not fit in.
My son is doing very well in school and was able to gain some awesome social skills. He still tends to feel different from the other kids and like people do not understand him. I get the sense that at times he is starting to dis-regulate, it is when he is feeling like this the most. This causes him to feel that rejection and abandonment all over again. To others, it looks like he is being very sensitive or really emotional. At times it looks like he is trying to be bossy by trying to control others. Really it is his trauma being triggered through these feelings of rejection and abandonment that is causing him to act this way. Unless the people around him are aware of his situation, then they treat it as such. Kids who suffer high amounts of stress and trauma are not to be dealt with in the manner as children who have not. If you do, then you will usually see an escalation in behaviors without understanding why.
This is why it is very important for the public to get on board with what is really going on in order to properly and successfully support the children of the incarcerated. I advocate for my children consistently so that I can see to it that they are getting the proper support they need in order for them to heal. For example, My son just started Karate and in his classes, they teach a lot of self-discipline. When you have a child like my son, then some forms of discipline can be very triggering for him. So I make sure that the people that are consistently in his life know what his situation his by presenting them with what I call a Trauma-Focused Family Regulation Plan. This basically talks about what are his triggers for dis-regulation and the things that the people around him can do to support him when he is in different levels. Each child is unique in that they are going to respond differently to having such trauma in their lives. Just like each child is effected in several different ways and in a number of ways to hardly any.
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| source: MN Strengthening Families Affected by Incarceration Collaborative. wilder.org |
Hey, I got a chance to see you're pervious blog and now your current blog. And let me say, what an improvement! It’s captivating when I am able to see the statistics and studies done. Its mind blowing to realize that children who have a parent incarcerated are more likely to have negative aspects in their lives. Wither its being a victim or being a witness to the situation. You have taught me some critical information. I as a parent, I like to apply these situations into my own life. Looking at these statistics I have learned to be a better parent because our children will be affected, no matter how what situation we face in our lives. Why do children get so affected? Are the visits in a facility to much for children?
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ReplyDeleteWhat did you find interesting in the post was the statistical support and the personal aspect of the post. What would be nice to add is a clip from the PBS series? Sometimes a video can share images that are hard to capture in words. Finally, I agree that incarceration of a parent is hard on a child and that such separation should only happen as a last resort in the criminal justice system.
I found your own personal testimony and action plan to be an especially interesting part of your revised blog. I think you have achieved a great balance between the cold hard facts provided by reliable sources, whilst appealing to the pathos of the reader by providing your own challenges and emotional experience with this topic.
ReplyDeleteHaving experience with trauma and dis-regulation in my own life, I was able to understand your son's challenges. Although for readers who aren't as familiar with triggering and the subsequent behaviors, these may be some more advanced concepts. It might be interesting to add just a few scientific facts about what is biologically occurring for your son. You could consider including how in these moments the brain stem, responsible for primal compulsions over rides the frontal lobe, which is responsible for reasoning. This will also allow you to expand on how dealing with these moments using reason alone is not an effective tactic for children who have trauma related challenges.
I agree that this is a topic that needs be addressed publicly and treated with more importance. I think that this is an issue that would benefit from federal or state attention. I think children with incarcerated parents would benefit from state or federally funded counseling and individualized attention to help them cope with some of the challenges that they are faced with. Although, with that said, I don't have a lot of background knowledge on this topic, and perhaps this is already something that is provided.
I really like the revisions that you made to your blog, way to put in the extra work and revise your final product!